-i don't heart cupcakes

just call me oscar the biotch. yesterday was not my finest. i let myself be mad all day. and although embarassing to admidt, i was mad all day because of some stupid cupcakes. today has been much better and now that i've had time to think about it, i need to write down the things that pulled me out of my grumpiness, so that i may pull from them in future times of need.

-running. i did a slow and steady 4 with melanie and felt a million times better. she let me talk about the cupcakes, my babies, the boredom that comes with being a stay at home mom and running. she was either too tired to talk or a really great listener because i don't really remember much of what she had to say except for "i'd be pretty annoyed too" and "i would never pee outside unless it was in a cornfield".

-tiffany gave birth in a car. i'm not kidding. with the help of her hero husband and a very sturdy dashboard to push against, she gnashed that little guy out on the 101 around 3am on Tuesday. i've replayed her story in my head so many times and everytime i get this huge adrenalyn rush. but in the end i have two questions a)how is she so amazing? and b) how much do you tip the guy that has to detail clean that mess?

-brooks is the best. in the car he kept requesting dance music. first station was incubus. "no mommy, dance music". second station was taylor swift. "no. dance music please". third station was britney spear's circus. "yes! this music is dance!" and then thizz faced in his carseat for the rest of the ride home.

-brooks is the worst. as the day was wrapping up i finally got a minute to vent to brandon over the phone while he was driving home. however, the conversation was cut short when brooks walked over to me and wiped an enormous sticky booger on my bottem lip. hearing brandon laugh about it was actually the highlight.

-chicken nuggets in honey. pretty much the greatest thing ever and always makes the sun shine a little brighter.

-snip snip

dear zac,
i love you. even though you're not Heather. and won't kiss me. and peel out in filberto's parking lot. and think it's gross to cut your own bangs with sewing scissors. and won't let me be blond.
sincerely,
the other Heather

dear ade,

thanks for being such a good baby today. even though i wouldn't let you crawl around on the hairy floor. and made you listen to stories about nude photos. and talked about how fat you made my body.

love,

mommy

for a good time call zac watson @ dolce salon. 480-722-0500

dear heather-

sorry you weren't here. and that i've stolen your identity. and someday zac's heart.

cordially,

the creepy fat version of you

-ok jenna

wanna play tough? http://broadobalds.blogspot.com
not only do i have a hand drawn picture of Tibby- the parakeet pictured in the zip up jammies monstrosity-



i also have this little gem of a self portrait laying in the back of a CRX on the way to Spokane:




and this too- i actually liked this guy. i thought he'd think i was funny because i was wearing velcro shoes. he didn't. maybe he couldn't get past my gorgeous hair:


but just to show off, i added these two pictures. one of the man of my sophomore year dreams and one of me with the man of my sophomore year dreams. the amazing look on my face is one of pure puberty jubilation. that picture was taken after experimenting for the first time with no doze and before a taco time braces flavored make out session after an INXS concert.

ALL IN

(and don't worry my sister laurel. i didn't even mention that you made out with him a couple months later. i love you too much to bring up that pink elephant).

-reasons my week was probably better than yours

1. arizona in february. the weather's sooo nice & i would be in shorts had i not experienced that major catastrophe with the spray tan on my shins. nothing 2 weeks worth of showers and a determined loofah can't undo. for the most part. hopefully.



2. my new mineral makeup makes me look like courtney cox. you can't see it? just imagine her with 40 extra el bee's and an irresponsible amount of bronzer on. waaah laaah!
ok let's be honest, i'm only buying this crap so i don't feel as guilty sleeping in my makeup. and because i love coating my entire bathroom in a skin colored tint of the earth's finest natural dust. i'm sure i'll figure out the secret to using this someday. swirl, tap and buff.



3. i'm married to a sexxy man. and by sexy i mean the kind that stays home from church because he's deathly ill and happily agrees to hang with the baby all day so i can enjoy my time without the added stress. and how did i refill my bucket at the spiritual wells of church? i discussed crotch tendons and read stef's decorating magazines. can i get an AMEN.



4. breana invited us over for a night swim. watching these two year old's paddle around with their matching pot bellies was too die for. and after sharing a plate of noodles and broccoli, and a couple fights over the dancing Elmo, they cuddled up in front of the fire to dry.



5. the boys played in a plastic tub together for 25 minutes. i know the time exactly because that's what it took to take a shower, put on makeup, put in a load of laundry, fill the dishwasher, pick up the front room, read an article in InStyle, make a green smoothy and cleverly answer a couple texts. imagine what we could do with an hour?

6. loving this baby. he's happy. he's a great napper. and he's not even a little mad that i'm down to nursing him twice a day. oh yea- and he has camel eyelashes.

if your week was pretty great too, that's awesome. feel free to comment on what it was like to watch heidi and seal make love while eating fresh figs from the hills of an italian villa. :)

RECHARGED!

nothing like an EnoRMouS suite at the Hilton, all you can eat king crab legs and grandma's red purse full of toys to get you back onto the right track. we spent the weekend with my brothers and the baby cousins in Vegas and gosh darn- it was Totally worth giving both of my babies the black lung.

yes, some people take their tender little innocent children to the flourishing-pitre-dish-of-a-town and we had the parade of strollers to prove it. thank you smut town for toning the pirate battle by adding the singing whores, putting stars over the nipples on your porn cards and having plenty of sidewalk urine flavored elevators. spending QT with my long lost family was just the cherry on top of this herpes sunday.

All kidding aside, we loved the entire weekend. my parents felt that brando and i would need some spa time together and gave us some amazing facials/massages for xmas gifts. my mom and dad are officially the bumble to my bee. as i sat in the relaxation room with my cup of tea and a warm neck roll, i actually started to cry. it was much better than my wedding day. much, much better. brandon like it too, but i'll need to teach him how to talk in a quite voice and to close his knees when he's in a robe.

here's a little photo diary to keep the memory fresh (sans the nicotine) for years to come.


the real reason we went was to see dave on his first billboard. congrats dave! you made it.


the orchid garden at the bellagio. my fav.


if both the boys are eating..... that means i'm eating. in the seated position. with linens on my lap. we love our daddy!


my mother is straight cash homie

the aquarium at mandalay bay.

hello there brandon. allow me to introduce myself. i'm heather, your wife and i love being with you.

brooks found the hour wait at the hoover dam and a can of pringles to be very relaxing.

thanks mom and dad! we loved seeing you all and can't wait for the next adventure.

ps- laurel, wish you were here. dodging h.i.v. all weekend just wasn't the same without you.

-joy from the rut

hellllooooo! hi, it's me. down here. waaay down here. i've been in this rut for a couple months now and i'm glad you still recognize me. where to begin? i literally feel like i'm the support crew from the trenches for all of these men i'm living with. i'm either nursing & holding the baby or stimulating a very busy 2 year old. and then there's encouraging and prodding an RM brother or supporting an overly stressed businessman husband in a not so business friendly economy. let it be documented that there are literally weeks where the majority of my time is spent keeping the dirty dishes from molding, muddy butts from rashing and these 4 men of mine from having absolute break downs.

i feel like a different woman. and i like it.
because amongst all the chaos, i'm happy. very very happy. i'm usually disheveled and have pretty much jumped off the vanity bus altogether. and it's ok. i've discovered the hair color aisle at CVS and let my $8 go wild every 3 weeks. i've let go of my obsession with being the center of attention and really love the view from seated position in the curtains. i really love parenting with brandon. i feel like my time with the boys is so meaningful and i try to be present when i'm with them. i really love brandon. although he's the quieter one around here, he's keeping this ship afloat and doing it in the most brilliant, brandon ways. we don't celebrate us ever but freaking out while watching Lost together and the occasional high-5 after sex keeps the fiery furnace of burning love ablaze.

so there. life is great in its' own mundane way and one of these days, i'll have something to brag about............unlike my finish time in this weekend's 10K.

and here's another one of these. it never gets old. ever.

SUPERBORE XLIII

besides nothing, here's-
5 good things about the Superbore:
1. i like kurt warner's peppered hair and i want to lick his big white teeth.
2. dueling crockpots full of cocktail weiners
3. chats about running, fertility, moving, hair, babies, nyc and dave's dating career
4. brooks and calvin finally finding something to do even if it was playing in a dog cage
5. suffering through an evening to earn our girls oscar's party. we'll make sure it's just as fun for the guys- returning the favor. wink.
-and one more for free-
6. watching cory and jordan embrace in the gayest hug ever after a cardinal's touchdown.

wow. don't they look like a ball of fun?


here's our spousal support.


ok. i'll be honest. there are too many comments to make about this picture however, they are way too inappropriate for even my standards. i'd love to hear any of your suggestions in the comment section. please, hold nothing back, jenna.