Monday, July 21, 2008

-welcome to my purgatory

I was officially put on bed rest last week because I was starting to dilate amongst all of that fun contracting. Soooo (said in a sing songy way) this week has been nothing more than lying on the couch, watching my house go through demo, ignoring the Battle Royal going on in my abdomen, listening to Brooks screech when he steps on exposed tact strips and watching Lilo and Stitch atleast 5 times a day. Deep breath in...............and exhale.
Here's a photo journal of the good stuff:

1. This is just a sampling of what my entire house looks like. Now, imagine the deafening sound of 4 jet fueled blowers, the smell of a trout baking in a trash can and the feeling of lungs filling with drywall and sprouting mold spores. Home Sweet Home!

2. This is my ceiling. What, didn't recognize it? You will after you've laid on your back for 6 days in a row, praying to the Holy One through it.

3. This is my patient and helpful husband. He loves doing the dishes, putting away my laundry and coaxing me out of my crying hysterics and off my closet floor at 3am. (i wish i was joking)

He also likes to remind me of how badly his canker sore hurts or skin itches whenever I have a contraction. I really feel sorry for him.

4. This is the monkey running wild in the house. He loves the chaos. Probably because he gets to sleep with us in our "less damaged" room these days and wipe snot on the destroy carpet at will. Oh yes- and when Dad does remember to feed him meals, they usual consist of crackers, a bite of plum and some flat Ocean Water from Sonic. Woooo hoo.

5. Well at least I'm keeping it sexy. I think laying down minimizes the 3rd chin I've discovered this week and keeps my hair all tossled and crazy hot. That Brandon is one lucky man.


Carolyn said...

My top 5 pregnancy "proudest moments":

5. Laying on the cold wearhouse cement floor of my work (thank you morning sickness) while mice ran past my face.

4. Waiting for my seven month belly to catch up with the 30 pound weight gain in my boobs and face.

3. Going to a specialty grandma bra store where they told me they'd have to special order for my Double "H" size boobies. yowza!

2. The adult acne breakouts that, once healed...just looked like a five o'clock shadow.

1. Tripping over my bed causing me to fart, then fall on to the floor, where i peed my pants (all the way!) and burst into tears.

I've never had a housing emergency while pregnant, but i like to think it's gods way of evening the score for the women who's ass stayed smaller than a size 12. Good luck keeping that sucker in!

McCain Family said...

I don't even know what to say. If you look on the bright side of things, after all this crazy crap, you will be highly rewarded with a new little boy in your home. You're doing great, Heather! Just a little longer!!!! This hard work won't go unnoticed, I promise:)

libbie said...

OH Wow! I do not envy you. I am so glad to be done being pregnant. And I was never put on bed rest. But I had a pity party for myself for about . . . hmmmmmm . . . 9 months while my family suffered thru me being the nastiest BeeeYatch ever . . . Oh wait, I am always like that, pregnant or not! Look on the bright side . . . . .at least you are still funny! Your poor house. Poor Poor house!

Kat said...

Crazy crazy. Well- in 38 minutes, you are officially 36 weeks with a baby still where he should be. Hallalujah, right?
Interview went really well today. Thanks again for your ideas, help and encouragement. They really helped right at the moment I needed it, and your words echoed in my head during the most appropriate moments too :) much thanks. let me know what I can do to help out!

Steve and Shell said...

i cant wait to be pregnant!

Cory, Jenna and Calvin Broadbent said...

You're keeping your promise to keep that baby tucked safe in the twinkie vag and I won't forget you for that. We'll be home soon and then it's party ON in the hospital. I'll bring the Chipotle and a trash can and you just let the meds do the rest.

I really love you and we're thinking about you every day. I'm so sorry about your house and the bed rest. It could be worse. I mean, you could still be lost somewhere in Oro Valley in my station wagon with no GPS. That would be much, much worse.