Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Now, you may be asking yourself, Is Heather just being funny? And I would answer your question with a question- would I be joking about wanting to become Asian if I told you-
- beyond all the fabulous museums and parks to visit, my favorite part of living in NYC was shopping weekly in Chinatown?
- I use to make out with Ryan Kimura throughout high school, even with his chronic bad breath, because I wanted to birth his beautiful babies
- I sit through awkward lunches in McD's playland with Mina, a woman I met in Target, and make myself believe that she's really learning English and I'm really learning Japanese when in reality, we're both really needing an excuse to eat cheeseburgers
- I grow immune to the dead hooker smell at Li Li's Asian market within 20 minutes (that must be a record)
One more example. This month's recipe club theme was Tapas and Sangrias. I don't know about you but that just screams spring rolls to me! (that just made me laugh). You may think to yourself "Spring rolls? That sounds pretty difficult even for a wannabe Asian". Well you can bet your ho-dens it was. I found a 15 year old stock boy to give me the tour of Li Li's and show me where to find the paper wraps, fresh mint and peanut sauce. Then, I muscled my way to the back of the Vietnamese kitchen next door and stood in the freaking disgusting/amazing kitchen as some 3 1/2 foot lady showed me how to wrap them.
Yesterday, when it was show time, I performed. Sure, I burned off two of my fingertips and sat on the floor and cried a couple times in the process but wow, it was worth it. The spring rolls were a success and I think I moved up a rung on the ladder to complete Japanesation!
Monday, April 14, 2008
So, Saturday morning I woke up and decided it was going to be a great day. Brooks and I went out to breakfast at "The Farm" and I literally shut off my brain from all the nagging noise. We missed our dad but I didn't let it distract me. It really ended up being one of my favorite mornings ever. I spent most of the time watching Brooks walk. There's something about his waddle that makes me wanna laugh and squeeze him til he pops. I forgot to care about my home and things and social life because I was way more interested in watching the chickens claw over each other to get a closer look a Brooks. And for a couple minutes, we laid under the pecan trees and tried as hard as we could to watch the grass grow. It was awesome
Thursday, April 10, 2008
down: searching all over the web and Phoenix for the perfect bed for Brooks
up: realizing that my little monkey is growing up and along with the bed, there's a whole new world we're discovering daily.
down: losing my phone with all contact #'s
up: asking the UPS man if he wanted to make out when he showed up with a new one yesterday
down: crying in Joann's because I hate those type of stores filled with ladies sporting wash and wear hair and sensible shoes
up: realizing that I can talk Julianne into helping me with anything crafty and send those ugly ladies back to the needles and thread section where they belong
down: overhearing some lady at the zoo say I'm a bad mom because I make my kid have a mullet.
up: having Brooks sit still during his 12 minute first haircut
down: crying in Ikea because I nearly pooped my pants in the bed section
up: enjoying an entire 20 minute meal of bliss (prior to the near accident) where Brooks fed and entertained himself and I enjoyed a wrap and 2 very dangerous Diet Pepsis.
down: crying while watching Oprah, American Idol and some conference
up: realizing that I wouldn't have this much tv time or lack of social interaction if I had a freaking phone
That's it. I guess it's all been about the silver lining lately. And I'm not talking about my regrowth!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Monday, April 7, 2008
Shame #1: I'm a Groupie
I have been for a couple of years now and even I understand how humiliated I should be. I've followed them to Tucson, San Diego, LA, and at least 6 different venues throughout Phoenix. I've begged to extend my family trip in Portland 3 days just to see them up there. I've loaded bottled water, waited by the tour bus, walked barefoot in the down pouring rain, poured drinks, sat through sound checks, swept stages, and even slept in my car. I've elbowed my way through the sea of 15 year old dudes to be smashed against the stage and receive the occasional water bottle to the head. My love for my band has no end- not even pregnancy. It's slowed down this year but only because they've been touring Asia and Brandon told me no international shows. I need help and would disclose the name of the band but feel that would have to be Shame #2. And yes, I did have wallet size pictures made of myself freaking out at a show for my mother and grandma to keep in their purses. My skin is tingling just writing about it.
Shame #2: I have no Filter
Every year, since I was probably 14, I've started each New Year with the same Resolution: "Heather, stop saying everything that comes to your mind". But, no matter how I try, I can't stop the flow. I've even considered going to AA to receive some addictions counseling. Here's a recent example: yesterday I came home from a morning hike to find this gorgeous moustached Mexican man doing ironwork on our home. I asked Brandon to ask him in Spanish how much he'd charge to let me brush his fine mane of hair. And then, I had to sit on the sidewalk because I was laughing so hard. Brandon and Mr. Moustachio totally ignored me, which made me laugh even harder. Here's the problem, I'm my best audience. I'm constantly laughing at the thoughts that pop into my head. The other issue is that I hang out with people that encourage it- and always have. Sure, they've got all the self control in the world but let's all watch Heather make an ass out of herself. I've even been paid by an actual company to talk about the all the random thoughts that come flying through my head on Phoenix radio. I feel that if I recognize it as a disability, other's will be more understanding when I do have a sudden out burst.
So, thank you Brandon for realizing that I only make fun of your crow face because I can't help it. And sorry to all Disney and dolphin lovers because you'll always be my easiest targets.
(Crap, you better read this one fast because I may have to take it down once the guilt sinks in).
Shame #3: JC Penney