My quest to become Asian

Do you ever sit at home and think, while watching Rock of Love "Man, I really wish I was Asian?" Or is it just me? My fascination definitely started when my mom invited Japanese foreign exchange students to stay with us 3 summers in a row. While everyone was gagging over the seaweed wrapped candy, I was double fisting it and saving it to eat in the privacy of the space under my bed. I also LOVED saying their names: Yoshiaki Shirahama, Siuki, Warren (he changed his name for some reason). I even got over the fact that one of them was obviously gay and hitting on my blue eyed, 11 year old little brother. I say- adding to the cultural experience.

Now, you may be asking yourself, Is Heather just being funny? And I would answer your question with a question- would I be joking about wanting to become Asian if I told you-

• beyond all the fabulous museums and parks to visit, my favorite part of living in NYC was shopping weekly in Chinatown?
• I use to make out with Ryan Kimura throughout high school, even with his chronic bad breath, because I wanted to birth his beautiful babies
• I sit through awkward lunches in McD's playland with Mina, a woman I met in Target, and make myself believe that she's really learning English and I'm really learning Japanese when in reality, we're both really needing an excuse to eat cheeseburgers
• I grow immune to the dead hooker smell at Li Li's Asian market within 20 minutes (that must be a record)

One more example. This month's recipe club theme was Tapas and Sangrias. I don't know about you but that just screams spring rolls to me! (that just made me laugh). You may think to yourself "Spring rolls? That sounds pretty difficult even for a wannabe Asian". Well you can bet your ho-dens it was. I found a 15 year old stock boy to give me the tour of Li Li's and show me where to find the paper wraps, fresh mint and peanut sauce. Then, I muscled my way to the back of the Vietnamese kitchen next door and stood in the freaking disgusting/amazing kitchen as some 3 1/2 foot lady showed me how to wrap them.

Yesterday, when it was show time, I performed. Sure, I burned off two of my fingertips and sat on the floor and cried a couple times in the process but wow, it was worth it. The spring rolls were a success and I think I moved up a rung on the ladder to complete Japanesation!

Dewa Mata!