-pinch me

sometimes i feel like i'm dreaming.

when i was growing up, i had the hardest time imagining the future.

my mom says that i've always been upset with the idea of growing up.

i remember that the lessons in church about eternity made me want to vomit.

they still do.

because i've always loved the stage i'm in.

the life i'm living.

the current.

the present.

so much that i dread it ending, moving forward or changing.

take for instance- now.

my babies still want me to hold them until they're asleep.

my husband is young, witty and so handsome.

i'm healthy, i laugh daily and have creative outlets.

but- things are changing so quickly- and without my approval.

brooks is a confident 3.5 year old that break dances in front of people, knows that vegetables make him grow strong and holds his brother's hand when crossing the street.

ade sleeps in a big boy bed, chases imaginary bad guys and when on tippy toes, can reach the water fountain at church.

brandon is still my hardworking entrepreneurial ox but has decided that he wants to work less, breed koi and get a dog so that he can take it on daily walks. he's much more patient with my randomness and tells me i'm pretty before i tell him to tell me i'm pretty.

and then there's me. i hardly recognize this girl staring back at me in the mirror. i've traded in my heels for grass stained and calloused feet, i'd rather go to bed early with a book than do pretty much anything else and i've finally realized that rap is for youngsters.

stop. stop. stop.

i believe there is a beauty that comes with aging and gaining wisdom with time but please stop stop stop.

stop please.