Thursday, July 29, 2010

-pinch me


sometimes i feel like i'm dreaming.
when i was growing up, i had the hardest time imagining the future.
my mom says that i've always been upset with the idea of growing up.
i remember that the lessons in church about eternity made me want to vomit.

they still do.

because i've always loved the stage i'm in.
the life i'm living.
the current.
the present.
so much that i dread it ending, moving forward or changing.

take for instance- now.

my babies still want me to hold them until they're asleep.
my husband is young, witty and so handsome.
i'm healthy, i laugh daily and have creative outlets.

but- things are changing so quickly- and without my approval.

brooks is a confident 3.5 year old that break dances in front of people, knows that vegetables make him grow strong and holds his brother's hand when crossing the street.

ade sleeps in a big boy bed, chases imaginary bad guys and when on tippy toes, can reach the water fountain at church.

brandon is still my hardworking entrepreneurial ox but has decided that he wants to work less, breed koi and get a dog so that he can take it on daily walks. he's much more patient with my randomness and tells me i'm pretty before i tell him to tell me i'm pretty.

and then there's me. i hardly recognize this girl staring back at me in the mirror. i've traded in my heels for grass stained and calloused feet, i'd rather go to bed early with a book than do pretty much anything else and i've finally realized that rap is for youngsters.

stop. stop. stop.
i believe there is a beauty that comes with aging and gaining wisdom with time but please stop stop stop.
stop please.

6 comments:

Carolyn said...

this is SO cute....said perfectly!

Chelsea Diane said...

Oh my gosh.. what you said at the beginning is exactly how I have always felt!! I've just never been able to say it like that or put it into words even!! So thank you!!

McCain Family said...

I feel like this so much. Well said!
Those pictures are so cute!

Soilsqueezer said...

Whereas I am always looking to the future and planning for tomorrow. Somehow all the big things that you plan for in your youth (mission, college, marriage, kids, real job) are now in my past and I am smack dab in the middle of the "endure to the end" part of life. I'm not very good at sitting and enjoying the "now."

LuLu said...

Seriously right? I mean,I'm really not cool with how bad my knees and ankles hurt when I get up from kneeling on the ground with my kids. I'd be content to stay 34 forever so long as my husband could come home from work just a bit more :)

Britt Hunter said...

I love what you've said here. and I love you.