sometimes, when i have way too much to do, i get stuck in my office looking at old pictures of my babies.

i remember exactly what was happening in every single one.

the mood i was, the temperature of the air and so grateful to hear the camera shutter click assuring me that this moment would be remembered forever.

this is a picture of me and my 5lb 10oz baby boy brooks.

he was so tiny in the hospital and looked just like a baby turtle without its shell.

in this picture i was so happy to be walking around the hospital room.

i'd never felt so much happiness and confidence in my entire life:

this picture was taken in an old grapefruit orchard in mesa around sunset.

i was testing lighting for a shoot the next night and brought my baby turtle with me to run around and check out bugs.

it was so hot and humid that night.

brooks was crouching down checking out an ant hill and when i finally found him he stood up, turned around and gave me this sweet little innocent look:

this picture was actually taken by my neighbor, carolyn wells.

i had just nursed baby ade and he fell asleep with that saucy look on his face.

i always thought of him as my kitty when he was a baby because he loved to snuggle and have his head pet when he nursed. when his hair sprouted over night it felt like a fresh peach that i couldn't keep my hands off of. i loved all of the baby phases with my little gatorade:

these strawberries were for a summer dinner at jonelle's. of course ade snuck up on to the counter by himself and i didn't have it in me to get him down. it was one of those "live a little" moments and i found so much happiness in his gorging. he threw an absolute fit when i finally washed his face:

does anyone know how to turn a blog into a book?

recommended sites?

-another photography post.

freud threw away all of his early journals.

the thousands of pages he wrote while developing his theories of psychoanalysis.

that's a lot of writing and years of thinking down the drain.

he didn't want his maturing thoughts and theories to be questioned or compared to his years of discovery.

i totally get it when i look back on my photo portfolio.

i pretty much cringe when i see any picture i've taken prior to summer 2010.

and they're out there. all over the place.

it's taking a lot of time to find my "eye".

if i could have my way, i'd take less pictures of what other people want and take more pictures by trusting myself and getting what i want.

i can feel my voice in photography getting a little bit stronger but now i just need more people to photograph that trust my eye too.

bands are a great place to start:

black carl

mesa, az

-william fitzsimmon's new album

picture by arizona lewis

read a little something about it here.

-sundayness

this morning i woke up to ade sobbing.

"i can't know how to fly"- repeated over and over as he threw himself in the air and landed dramatically on the bed.

i told him i was so sorry about his problem because it seemed to be very serious.

and then he said very quietly in the saddest little man voice "it's cause i have no cape".

and then i ate his tear streaked face off for breakfast.

ps- i have the hottest sunday school teacher. i probably would've paid more attention to his lesson if he hadn't been acting all sexy like the whole time. sheesh.

meow. the end.

-somebody pinch me.

i don't think this picture would really mean anything to anyone.

but to me, this picture means a lot.

i've been asked to assist my photo idol for a handful of shoots this spring.

it also means that sometimes- even my most insane daydreams can come to fruition.

breath in. breath out.

now do a happy dance!!!!

-my life

this is what morning looks like to me.

we bought a king size bed last year in anticipation of such moments.

brandon asked me yesterday when we should ween them out of the bed.

i said they'd grow out of it soon.

he asked what does "soon" mean.

i said maybe 6 months but probably 5 years.

he said good.

and excerpt from mary oliver's "have you ever tried to enter the long black branches?":

do you think this world is only an entertainment for you?

never to enter the sea and notice how the water divides

with perfect courtesy, to let you in!

never to lie down with the grass, as though you were the grass!

never to leap to the air as you open your wings over

the dark acorn of your heart!

no wonder we hear, in your mournful voice, the complaint

that something is missing from your life!

who can open the door who does not reach for the latch?

who can travel the miles who does not put one foot

in front of the other, all attentive to what presents itself

continually?

who will behold the inner chamber who has not observed

with admiration, even with rapture, the outer stone?

well, there is time left-

fields everywhere invite you into them.

-more clicking.

we have a super rad babysitter:

i'm busy.

photography in arizona really amps up in the good weather.

besides the whole taking pictures, here's a list of things i love about my part time job:

-scouting new locations. everything has potential.

-very personal time with people feeling vulnerable. most of which, i hardly know. people act very raw in front of a camera. i feel like i can ask them about anything and get an honest answer.

-late nights editing with a cup of roobios, a large set of sony headphones playing william fitzsimmons, the ocassional instant messages on facebook and time alone to create.

-time outside.

and

-a little cash for my "travels to japan" savings account.

-boing!

i think i've finally made it through that thing i've been going through.
i feel better.
i have energy again.
i'm remembering how much i love the little things- wind, tea, made beds, cooking, books, date nights, sleeping, getting a laugh out of the spouse.
so whatever that funk was about, i've learned my lesson i guess.
onto lovelier things.
like my new painting that i've been saving up for.
here's just a glimpse:
i'll post a real picture when it's officially hung.

ps- it's spring:
pps- i just finished reading "the good earth". it's the best book i've ever read in my life.

seriously.

st. patrick's day with moms.......

we decided to meet jo and her crew on mill avenue today for a little fun.
we didn't realize it was "fat girl in green tube top with a splashing beer in her hand" day.
the kids loved the ruckus.
i loved witnessing jo verbally "assault" a woman on the sidewalk in her zen way.

lady: TRY MOVING!!!!
jo: you're.........rude. (if she had been wearing white gloves she would have removed them by the finger tips and swatted the woman in the face)
lady: RUDE?!!!!!??!! you *$&#&@^&$*@&!*!
jo: yeah rude you fat, fat, fatt......... (couldn't finish because the lady got bored and walked off).
me: what was that?
jo: you were on the dang phone and i needed some help!
me (after hours of thinking of a comeback): you should've said- "hey lady! don't be mad because you look like you're pregnant with anger. and beer".

oh yeah sucka. don't mess with us. we'll get you. we'll talk about you .......... behind your back!
i promise we use to be much quicker on our feet.
next time.

anyways- here's a video i made of our psycho babies.

-like a bumble to the bee

yippee for rad families.
from just about every way you look at it- this was my favorite shoot.
enjoy.
song "home" by edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros

-um um um ......

this week is spring break and we have no plans.

spring break from the jewish preschool that's only 3 half days a week anyways.

it's awesome to not be held to a schedule. the older i get, the more i lose my left brained skills.

i don't think there's an organized, logical or well articulated bone in my body.

brandon told me that i don't speak properly.

i agree.

i'm kind of out of practice. i have all of these ideas in my head and would rather use my hands to express them rather than converse with an adult. see right here- i have no idea how to spit out this simple concept in my mind.

i'm not going to blame it on being a stay at home mom.

if anything- my mom life is the only thing forcing me to plan, coordinate and instruct.

i'm going to say it's aging.

so many things are better left unsaid.

gay.

like i'm deep or something.

-the mold breaker.

lew and i decided that ade needed a pair of coveralls for the warmer season.

he's that kind of kid.

within 30 minutes of having them on for the trial run- the pockets were full of rocks, sand and cars. he also loved wiping his spaghetti face on his bare shoulder and getting buck naked to pee on the bougainvillea trellis.

dear god in heaven-

i never knew this level of joy.

domo arigato.

sincerely,

hev (he prefers my childhood nickname)

ps- thanks for making brooks so smart.

pps- please expedite this whole situation with brandon's work.

ppps- seahorses are the most fascinating sea creatures. low 5 for that one.