Thursday, March 11, 2010

-the end of me.

why NOT to take an 18 month old to the movies:

5:10- movie starts. there's only a handful of people in the theater. sigh of relief.
5:11-14- he's eating the buttered popcorn. he's so content, i don't even mind the greasy hand prints on my new black jeans.
5:15-17- oh great. he's discovered the squeak in his chair and is doing the jackknife maneuver over and over again to speed up and magnify the squeak.
5:18- crap. there goes half of the bag of popcorn. right onto THAT floor.
5:19- he's off of the chair. phew.
5:19:30- he found my diet pepsi and in a way washed off the hand prints by pouring the cup down the entire right side of my body.
5:20-21- oh sh*t. he's eating the popcorn off the floor like a dog. no hands.
5:22- fit #1 begins as i pull him off the floor and back into his seat.
5:23- fit #1 ends. jackknife squeaking resumes. my patience wearing.
5:25- fit#2 begins when i noticed the squeaking ended only because he has somehow lodged his head into the seat crack.
5:27-30- fit #2 ends. head dislodged. stomping and ice skating on dirty spilled popcorn begins.
5:31- fit #3 begins when he finally slips on the popcorn and tips over the remaining popcorn.
5:32- fit #3 ends. moving up front and playing on the emergency exit stairs begin.
5:33-38- he's content on the stairs. wow. i think i actually just watched 5 minutes of this stupid movie. wish i had my soda.
5:39- he's back to sitting next to me and has found the only other seat in the entire theater that'll squeak when jackknifed.
5:40- jackknifing ended by me when i feel a nervous breakdown setting in.
5:41- running up and down the aisle begins
5:42- running up and down the aisle ends when he catches the toe of his red croc and face plants
5:42:15- i'm running to the bathroom to keep blood from completely ruining my new, ruined black jeans.
5:43- with the help of an empty popcorn bag, two bendy straws and fierce determination, i perform my own hysterectomy in the the bathroom stall.
i'm not having anymore children.
we did get in a couple rounds of DDR.
so i guess that was good-

next time, it's just me and the 3 year old.
and some WD 40.


Shuggilippo said...

DDR saves lives.

The end.

Stephanie said...

Sounds like another fun day! haha. Poor Baby! Maybe he'll learn.... but then again.... :)

Kelly Mo said...

At least he kept up the whole "being wet" theme. Even if it was blood!

Laurel @ Ducks in a Row said...

You are brave even thinking of doing it by yourself!

the mama monster said...

i agree you are brave for even attempting it by yourself. maybe he will grow into it?

McCain Family said...

Holy Moly that's a lot of blood. I'm so sorry.
This did make me laugh and cringe at the same time, though.
Poor little guy, and POOR MAMA! I hope you have recovered nicely.

Wagars said...

For my own fun, I like to not show scroll down to the picture until I read your rendition first. So, as I am reading about the blood, I actually thought you were exaggerating. HOLY CRAP! And I thought when I called you yesterday and you said you were on the way to the movie you were going by yourself. I was a little jealous ... not any more!

DJCK incorporated said...

Freakin' hilarious. If you would combine these posts into a book, I would buy it. What to name it? How about, "If you lived here, I'd know your name"? No, that's a similar book with same amount of talent that could show you that you have what it takes to publish. Just saying....... These stories must be kept for posterity.

Sara said...

I like that you take pictures of your children post-trantrum and a blood covered face.

I like to think I'll do that, too.

JoAnn and Dewey said...

Dewey here...I laughed so hard as I read this that JoAnn rushed in to see if I needed CPR. And then I saw the picture! Dennis is right--this has a book in it.

boots said...

LOL this is amazing- what a crazy night you had. that poor bloody face , im going to be thinking of it all day!