why NOT to take an 18 month old to the movies:
5:10- movie starts. there's only a handful of people in the theater. sigh of relief.
5:11-14- he's eating the buttered popcorn. he's so content, i don't even mind the greasy hand prints on my new black jeans.
5:15-17- oh great. he's discovered the squeak in his chair and is doing the jackknife maneuver over and over again to speed up and magnify the squeak.
5:18- crap. there goes half of the bag of popcorn. right onto THAT floor.
5:19- he's off of the chair. phew.
5:19:30- he found my diet pepsi and in a way washed off the hand prints by pouring the cup down the entire right side of my body.
5:20-21- oh sh*t. he's eating the popcorn off the floor like a dog. no hands.
5:22- fit #1 begins as i pull him off the floor and back into his seat.
5:23- fit #1 ends. jackknife squeaking resumes. my patience wearing.
5:25- fit#2 begins when i noticed the squeaking ended only because he has somehow lodged his head into the seat crack.
5:27-30- fit #2 ends. head dislodged. stomping and ice skating on dirty spilled popcorn begins.
5:31- fit #3 begins when he finally slips on the popcorn and tips over the remaining popcorn.
5:32- fit #3 ends. moving up front and playing on the emergency exit stairs begin.
5:33-38- he's content on the stairs. wow. i think i actually just watched 5 minutes of this stupid movie. wish i had my soda.
5:39- he's back to sitting next to me and has found the only other seat in the entire theater that'll squeak when jackknifed.
5:40- jackknifing ended by me when i feel a nervous breakdown setting in.
5:41- running up and down the aisle begins
5:42- running up and down the aisle ends when he catches the toe of his red croc and face plants
5:42:15- i'm running to the bathroom to keep blood from completely ruining my new, ruined black jeans.
5:43- with the help of an empty popcorn bag, two bendy straws and fierce determination, i perform my own hysterectomy in the the bathroom stall.
i'm not having anymore children.
we did get in a couple rounds of DDR.
so i guess that was good-