Monday, June 20, 2011

-the escape from fat camp

i don't even know where to start.
there are too many details.
although i love descriptive writing, there are some situations that are so insane that there aren't enough words to paint the picture accurately.
you really had to be there.
so here's a recap to jog my own memory 20 years down the road:
we went to an all inclusive japanese themed spa in san marcos, ca.
upon arrival they sent us to our separate room, had us measured for our "issued" clothing for the week and then schedule our stay with 6 HOURS of training each day and MINIMAL food provided by them at the communal meal times.
this "relaxing" girls trip to the spa ended up being military training with a side dish of Heaven's Gate.
we did our best for about 18 hours.

and then we fled.
we mentioned that we were heading into del mar for some shopping and burgers and the fellow guests all gasped in unison. they'd never know of anyone to leave the property.
we didn't know that we weren't suppose to leave either.
we left the compound and while stuffing our faces with fries and soda we made a call and arranged to have our rooms packed by the cleaning crew so that we could sneak back in and make a quick stealth like exit.
so after 2 hours of riding in the back of some del mar waiter's car (full of campfire scented clothes) -another story in itself- we pulled into the Grand del mar with our smuggled luggage and a new sense of hope for resurrecting this bless-ed vacation.
we headed straight to our room.
2 queen beds, a bradly cooper movie on a large flat screen, room service and taking turns in the scarface sized bath tub. redemption.
we totally made up for the lack of food at weirdville, usa by over eating at every other meal.
7 hours got lost somewhere at the spa.
we turned off our phones and watched people.
there was another movie night with room service where the physical activity looked like this:
-sit up
-cut piece of steak and put in mouth
-lay down
-chew meat in mouth
-and repeat through 2 movies and an episode of TMZ.

the gluttony was fabulous.

and then we had to leave.
the only things that kept us from crying were the stories about awkward conversations during the forced meal time at "couple's retreat" where i was forced to stare at a man's chest hair poking out of his room issued komono and how we had to bang on the kitchen door for some carrot juice to keep us from passing out.

thanks jo for being you.
life just wouldn't be as amazing without you in my stories.


Jess said...

holy what balls?!

i'm happy you escaped, otherwise i'd be judging you. hard.

Pepper Lovin! said...

hahah seriously! Alan worked with a guy whos GF came to phoenix for something kind of like that. It was in the middle of the desert and she had to 'sneek' out and bang on some dude who lived a mile down the deserts door while the attendents chased her down. nuttyville. ahahha